Livvy is a great cuddler.  At bedtime, she will drink her "baba" and then she will lay on me like this.  She does the same squirms every night.  She looks at my face and pats it.  Sometimes she gives me kisses.  Then she squirms again and lays her head back down. I love it.

I wrote a poem for Jace the night before he turned one year old.

One year ago I held in you swaddled in my arms so tight,

Today I try to cuddle you, you squirm and screech and fight.

One year ago I lay you down, you couldn’t move around,

Today I put you on the floor, now you can’t be found.

One year ago I fed you, huddled close against my chest,

Today you throw your food and grin, you make a monstrous mess.

One year ago you couldn’t hold your head up, laugh, or smile,

Today you chase the pup and squeal, giggling all the while.

One year ago you held my finger, with your tiny little hand,

Today you wave hello, good-bye— you crawl, you even stand.

One year ago you ate and slept and oh, if I could know,

How fast this year would come and go, how quickly you would grow.

One year ago I would have held you longer in the night.

Today I creep into your room and think that I just might,

Pick you up and rock you till the sun comes shining through

Remembering one year ago when you were so very new. 

   

One year ago today you were a brand new baby boy,

So small and sweet and innocent you filled our home with joy.

Today I remember when, one year ago you came,

You changed my life and changed my heart, I will never be the same. 

One year ago I loved you, today I love you still.

One year ago I loved you, and forever I always will.

I think about the fourth section every time I cuddle with Livvy.  I so wish I could go back in time to when my baby boys were that age and rock them one more time.  But I can't.  And so since I can't, I try very hard to not rush my night time cuddles with Liv.  I try to not think about all the things I will get to do now that all the kids are finally asleep.  I try not to play with my phone.  I try to just sit and rock with her, longer in the night.

I can't believe she is already almost one.  Time just goes way too fast. 

(also I was trying to rock Cameron last night when I woke him up to give him a breathing treatment aaaaaaand he farted on me.  Soooooo not as sweet as it used to be)